Stuart Little

directed by rob minkoff
voiced by michael j. fox, geena davis, hugh laurie and jonathan lipnicki

Little shits. Everywhere they run, screaming, screaming, screaming. I tell ya, 'Nam has nothing on this experience.

An afternoon cooped up with these little horrors was the price borne for this little piece of sentimental cutesy claptrap. Not that it's all bad, except for 2 scenes which detour off the road of acceptable corn, into the land of cutey pie ultracorn, which render the old "family is family" speech with far too much sincerity and retching. Which is interesting, as Stuart Little is a white mouse. It could have been far different if Stuart's orphanage had been in the Bronx and he was saying stuff like "yo whitey cat, don't you be dissin' me or I'll be poppin' a cap in yo ass!" Or would that be racist too? Or too racist? Can you have 'too racist'? Sigh.

People in the know will be familiar with the outline of the movie by now, the fact that it is an adaptation of the 'classic' book by E.B White, that Michael J. Fox voices the lead character, and Nathan Lane's tracheal contortions as the household cat Snowbell. The rest of the plebeians will be more familiar with Geena Davis' meatloaf mom, the extremely American Hugh Laurie ("I say, Blackadder"), and the incessantly irritating Johnathan Lipnicki who I always want to dropkick into a volcano, such is the mental chafing of too much cuteness, who here manages to pass eightyish minutes without making me vomit into my popcorn once. Bravo! (Actually the hardest part of watching this movie was swishing into my seat in full nu urban regalia and then laughing harder than the rest of the little toadies watching this movie. Parents have way too little imagination these days, and it's obviously genetic.)

In any case, purposefully two dimensional acting cannot be too much of a stretch for any cast, and the set designers have obviously grown fat on this commission, because it's so darned appropriate, created by executives sitting around tables trying to think like children. No colouring outside of the lines, thank god, which I guess is very hard to achieve anyway when you're using software packages that run up production costs into the millions. They can digitally render hair now! It's amazing. I tell you, back in my day digital hair looked like the wet tar on the dome of that seedy, moustached lego man.

Anyway, it's very cute, but not the most brilliant kiddie's movie I've seen and I'd rather watch Titan A.E. which nearly made me come, excuse the sexual reference near the end of a review of a child's movie, but the promo was so absolutely kick aaaaaaaass! Count me up for another sucker.

Huan Tzin-goh
comments? email the author

A more uplifting review of Stuart Little by Adam Rivett.

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