Dir. Stefan Schwartz
St. Kate Beckinsale, Dan Futterman, Stuart Townsend
Rated PG, 93 mins
Now Screening at The Verona, Paddington; the Globe cinema, Stanmore; and select Greater Union and Hoyts cinemas

'Shooting Fish' is mediocrity beyond redemption. It's Disney dressed up as Britpop. Two orphaned boys con money from bad rich people to save cash to buy a mansion together. So far, so homoerotic. The geeky one falls in love with a medical student/ typist/ member-of-the-aristocracy and the orphans end up using the dosh to buy a Foundation for Down's Syndrome in which typist's brother resides. The annoying American one falls in love with the sister and the movie ends with a double wedding, Down's Syndrome brother acting as best man. It's a Disney film! But throw in a 'Blur' song, voila, instant Britpop movie! Don't mind plot, cinematography, dialogue, originality...

What stuck in my head was a scene at the end where the heroes drive up to the Foundation and are cheered by dozens of Down's Syndrome kiddies. I found myself curious as to where the production team had 'discovered' the extras. Surely, it was someone's job to hire them. I lingered after the film finished but didn't see 'Procurer of Disabled Children' anywhere in the credits. I could imagine some hack ringing around the hospitals and saying:

'Hello? I'd like to put in an order for five dozen Down's Syndrome kiddies, aged between six and thirteen. Make sure you don't send ugly ones or droolers. I definitely don't want any mongoloids. I'll take blondes if you've got them. Market research indicates that 18-25 year olds prefer fair haired retards. Look, I'll take whatever you've got, we'll keep the ones we want and send back the rest. Thanks. Cheque's in the mail. Ciao.'

And if you think that's patronising and offensive, then go and see the movie and try and guess what the producers think of you.

dita
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